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Monday, January 15th, 2007
1:13 pm
last entryCollapse )

|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
12:41 am
I think I really screwed it up and it's like breaking something you can't put back together.
I can't even pick up the pieces because I keep stepping on them and slicing my ass open.

I hope I didn't just put an end to bliss ._.

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, December 10th, 2006
11:28 pm
I don't care
go fucking nail yourself to a wall.

|Each Wish resigned.|

8:29 pm
Oh my god.. it's all hormones
all of it is hormones

I wish it wasn't :/

|Each Wish resigned.|

4:05 am
This is going to start being friends only
which will give leave it in the hands of about three people
that won't want to hear what I'd like to say
because they'll think I'm calling out for attention

well, wonderfully, I am. fuckers.

It's starting to fuck with my head because I can't THINK
it's a symptom, I don't want to have the fucking symptoms

I just want to enjoy it and not have to explain WHY EVERYTHING IS SO NEW TO ME
I'm sorry that it is but I can't be out in public with you
I can't be out in public with you

I don't cut myself
that would be pointless
I wonder what stupid thing I'll die of that I probably could have prevented

this can't be temporary, this has to be permanent
I can't think of that in terms of forever

where is my happiness? where the FUCK did it go? what do I think it is?
how badly am I harming myself right now?

If I wake up tomorrow and this gets worse it'll be the death of me.
I'll miss my family but I can't get through a night on the bathroom floor
so it has to be over
and I'm crying out for attention
that I don't get

but it's livejournal, don't we fucking ALL?

|3 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Saturday, December 9th, 2006
2:58 am
For all intensive purposes

I can't breathe when I think about the surprises
There's so many
They're so fucking hot.
and sweaty
and drowsy

I need immediate summer intervention

|3 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, December 8th, 2006
8:48 pm
ljsdlfj saldjlf jasdofuoisajdo fjs odf890wern r

|Each Wish resigned.|

12:34 am

I feel really good right now... but I have to do henna soon. Maybe tomorrow.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
10:03 pm
fucking unholy

|Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
11:01 pm

don't ever ever ever ask me to tell you the truth

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Monday, December 4th, 2006
7:52 pm
AMAZING sleep today
woke up and wanted to vomit


|Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
:/ I miss that nose.

There's fur in the P!ATD video... hahaFUCKTHEM.

|Each Wish resigned.|

3:11 am - turtles fuckin'
Good day<3
very.. illegal in so many ways
I saw an elephant's penis and it was really.. god awful to see something that looked like an angry anaconda x.x

SAT II's - OMG I just stopped caring. The chemistry I think I like, got two right on. That was so bad.. it's not even, woah
math and english were stupid, like always

Those scores will seriously kill me because the chemistry must be.. a 320 or something.

I'm so jittery and confused.
Things never go the way I want them to. And then when they do, I end up second guessing whether I really want them or not :/ and then... I just wish I could be satisfied with something. I really have too much opportunity. Fucking GO WITH IT x------------------------------------------x

I've come to the realization, by the way, that there are so many pretty people and they're all just CONTENT WITH THEMSELVES AREN'T THEY
no I'm not slitting my wrists, it's fucking 10 p.m.

I go from worrying about my future to worrying about myself
and my.. people
the most terrible thing is that this is so fucking new to me? obviously. this year is going to be so fucked up x.x sooo fucked up

current mood: drained

|4 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
4:18 am
Something's wrong with me
but I was really happy tonight.

actually.. it seems better every few seconds

|Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, December 1st, 2006
3:39 am
So many people will kill me if this happens.
I don't even.. know what the fuck I'm doing right now but I really don't feel like trying to backtrack and fix my shit that way.

You can't do that thing you do.. that you say you can do fine.. forever
because you can't
and that's.. shitty

I'm not on amazing terms :/ and it's this kind of bullshit that shouldn't exist, period.
stupid everything makes it exist >.

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, November 26th, 2006
2:53 am
Your expectations are fucking ridiculous.

I've never hated skirts more.. still the worst day ever
I'd rather lock myself up then even face the rest of whatever

|Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, November 24th, 2006
2:20 am
I threw Mr. M's advice out the window and hoped everyone else gained twelve pounds tonight.
Happy National Turkey Holocaust Day :/

Here's what we argued about.. during which I started crying I was laughing so hard at my drunk aunt:
-The origin of Thanksgiving.. according to the clueless and know-all Polish
-Steve Martin's age.. which is definately not 90
-Women with big asses versus men's belt sizes
-My grandmother watching Jerry Springer
-My non-existent desire to watch naked men give news reports and no one having a clue that I'd really rather look at naked bitches
-People being "shit-faced" and screaming the Polish equivalent of "BULLSHITTING FUCKERS"
-Russians in Hollywood

I started reading the 5th HP book though, and I love it so much x.x I can't believe I'm so behind..

when's the movie coming out?!

Stuff tomorrow -- buy some fondue sets.

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
4:45 am

Maja was obscene and I loved every second of it, but nothing will compare to open air concerts<3

and.. I saw the muffin that was being preheated, which was odd and instead of odd I ALWAYS type off first

then Emily<3 etc, fuck certain people and loud..loudloud speakers

nice job Zack

Maja smoked through a few songs. She's going to die. I want to come.

that was funny....great save aneta

|Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
9:03 pm

I really hate Asian references.. not because I'm racist, but because I just don't care. That video was actually pretty pointless because I haven't taken the time to think about it, but at least Tomo wasn't getting blown by a bear.
and.. I assume there will be no Beautiful Lie video then?
fine with me, best song ever<3

and if Zack HAPPENS to meet her.. I'll die?

|Each Wish resigned.|

Monday, November 13th, 2006
7:55 am
I'm so miserable right now.
no my EYES are just miserable because they want to cloooooooooooooooooooooooseee


|Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, November 12th, 2006
1:01 am - Bash
You wouldn't really believe me if I told you, but Cybart was god fucking awesome and I love that woman. By the end of the trip, she was so tolerant of Joe's random swearing that she even laughed when he said ass and shit.

at points.. we began talking about Pie and Cake in the most perverted way in the world. and she just let it happen.

FOR THAT I LOVE HER. SHE LET EVERYTHING HAPPEN. and she opened up so much I was in looove<33333

Uhr, we stayed at the Gaylord Opryland in NAYSHVAILE, which was so. huge. There were at least three separate rainforests in it, glass panes on the roofs, indoor balconies on almost every room, and a villages of shops and restaurants inside it. There was a water show that had water that went SO. HIGH. OMFG. and a river that went through the whole thing, and you just got lost and loved your life.

The Christmas lights hung from everything and it was fucking enchanting. I want to honeymoon for twelve years in there because you never NEED to leave.

Basically, Cybart packed her awesome outfits and those HUGE SHOES in a lunchbox. I'm not exaggerating. That was the most perplexing part of this whole trip.. that tiny ass carry-on. Wow.

Okay I just realized that two people know who the fuck I'm talking about, so know that I went with Leanora, who is LOUD, AWKWARD, and can't control her swearing or laughing for anything in the world and she was awesome.
Also Joe.. and Arber.. and there were pillow fights and concerts you would never believe. It was the funniest experience of my life, probably. I hate to say it but it was the kind of funny you can't even laugh at too much because you'd keel over and die. Everyone was so fucking fat.
Kyle came too, she was quiet but a sexy beast :D <33

The plane ride sucked assholes because there was rain, turbulence, and a pilot who's tooth was BLEEDING or whatnot so we had to switch pilots and then flew into Nashville pretty late. I don't even remember what we ate for dinner that night but that whole fucking place was expensive x.x

Anyway, in the course of our stay I spent every night in a room with Joe and Arber having the hottest sex imaginable. Of course, the curfew was midnight but I snuck into my room after 1 and I was so worried Cybart would discover me :/ because I'd hate to kill her trust. She's my goddess.
Okay so FUCK, absolute hilarity. You just don't KNOW Joe and Arber, so shut the fuck up.
Every dinner out was fucking hilarious. We told every scandalous story about everyone we knew and called each other so many bad names we really should've all hung ourselves twelve times. Cybart fucking loved it, yes she did. She told us all her high school stories and it was such an amazing bonding experience, I can't even express it really :D YES she loosened up! Every joke we told was so fucking inappropriate.
But you don't get that either, I think. Cybart is a Christian, and she's pretty goddamn conservative in that sense, and you're not supposed to be your student's "friend"... but she seriously loved us all.
Whatever I guess the tidbits include running away during workshops to sit on fluffy couches and have more sex, Leanora almost trampling a two year old who fell under her feet at the airport x.x, expensive buffets with Egyptian waiters, so many girls and gay journalist boys :D, free candy at exhibits and recording an iPod acceptance speech as Enrique, Cybart letting us call her Cybie and waking us up at 6 looking so.. ready for life, exposing Yan and Pedro and every fucking person to PIECES - Cybart knows more than you can imagine. Really. We didn't hesitate o.O you're all going down fuckers.
and, ha, if you think you can get revenge by exposing US, don't bother. We already did... and she took it wayyy too well.
Let's just say that Cybart knows as much as Ring, which is too much. I'm still amazed, but we must have told her about everything from skull fucking to Arber drunk to Josh and Ericka. and Jared. I think Jared was at the forefront of everything about me that didn't scream DIKE. I love my teachers.

12 a.m. I'm sprawled on Joe's bed and probably dead, and Cybart peaks in to ask if I'm "safe". I mumble something, Joe slams the door in her face and she just says goodnight with that perky look on her face.

I think Samantha K has had more pie than the Eastern seaboard, Ms. Cybart.


I had a great time, yeeahhhhh I did. I didn't feel like explaining all of this ten times so it's here now.

|3 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
7:11 pm
Today started out stupid, and it's only progressed to annoying. I just feel like leaving for Nashville immediately.

Damn this whole college admissions process to hell :D:D:D:D

I need Gladys and the new Killers album


|Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, November 5th, 2006
8:23 pm

The completely wrong person molested me o.X

James Blunt's new song reminds me of Sam and the sunsettt

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, November 3rd, 2006
11:41 am


|Each Wish resigned.|

Monday, October 30th, 2006
2:50 am

and by Wednesday I'll be normal again, thank HELL

|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Saturday, October 28th, 2006
7:05 am
...CLEARLY, Jared was flawless and did everything the way he was supposed to. I screamed my ass off.
and Liz and I both cherished this one moment where he went over to our side and made like, twenty girls think he was looking straight at them and smiled. That's the thing, he smiled WAY more at Warped Tour.. he was more serious this time around or something o.o so that smile was absolute melting point. shit. yeahh.
No touchy this time because we were about five people away from him x.x

However the staff/security/drunk whatever sucked so much -.-
fuck NY concerts and cars o.O

haha, day two tomorrow<33333

|Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, October 27th, 2006
6:27 pm

Jared Leto and another amazing experience :D
I'm such a happy girl.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Thursday, October 26th, 2006
11:12 pm - Darcy baby take off your clothess
Scarlett Johansson is the sexiest woman alive
and Jared totally did her

I fucking love both of them<3

and then SATURDAY :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
and it's just a Jared fest ^O^ I have to get pumped up with the 30 STM album, not that they even have to sing. I wish he could just talk to us for three hours.

and I have the car for Halloween
so more smiley faces, etc etc

I'm wayy too teeny bop
I need a white strappy "gown" dress thing for Halloween. If you have one laying around, it's fucking mine. Thanks.

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

6:31 am
So I have this awesome insurance and I can finally drive, thank JESUS.
I spend every morning watching Hey Arnold reruns and remembering when these characters used to be older than me.

Those were definately.. the days.


|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
10:08 pm
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This is fucking ridiculous o.O I can't believe I missed Tyra. fuck.

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

9:59 pm - SUBJECT
Fuckin' shit
everything is still spiraling in a generally downward direction and I'm already used to actually getting eight hours of sleep, so staying up past 10 is so. shitty.

I can't believe I can say that.

I'm on a binge.

haha so today Tonia's like,

and I imagined her in a mosh pit. she's actually insane enough to handle it.
jared countdown needs to begin<33

so, FIVE days?

|Each Wish resigned.|

Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
7:40 pm
I don't know if I can handle the next three hours because I'm having.. such a bad day

I hate some of my friends because they're such bitches. I'm starting to get sick of it. I don't know why they can treat people like shit and expect so much LOVE.
and parents and work and I don't really want to explain it anyway

I have my license and I don't give a shit. I might as well not even have it because WHERE the fuck am I gonna go?

fuck you, SO MUCH.

|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

1:22 am
is a movie
I'm so excited


|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
3:46 pm
but I'll get over across and through THAT fucking bridge so.. who really cares

I almost lost half of my editors today and DIED because it would mean that I'd have to do six pages by myself..again. That was really bad. I hate when Cybart thinks that just because some people don't come through that means it's okay to DUMP so much shit on one person. I really have no idea how she expected to fix that scenario because we have like, two days. But crisis was averted because I felt like crying.

Yan was a beetnik..spelling..thing..glasses whatever. Pedro put on his hat in TAG and I remembered why I started using the word "fag" only towards him.

I've developed a habit of heavy napping but NOT working on weekdays is so fucking swanky<3 and I guess I lost my status as human diary, officially, annnnd... right I have to make an appointment about the carpel tunnel because if that's what's acting up then it's a bitch and it hurts x.x

|Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, October 15th, 2006
10:57 pm
Heh, I wanna see Happy Feet <3
My mother didn't yell at me at all last night, but I didn't mention that I rode in the fucking trunk.

I love everyone's insecurities/lack thereof.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Monday, October 9th, 2006
7:08 pm - DOOMED

1) Jared, soon
2) Jared, right after soon
3) I'm filming tomorrow o.X
4) Halloween plans, right after right after soon
5) Driving exam next Wednesday
7) we hired a new kid at work and he seems nice enough :D
8) Degrassi has YET to involve Darcy
9) Aaliyah's dead
10) I need more water
11) My dad's off his knee for the next two weeks so I'm fucked for rides x.x
13) Majaaa next month<3


|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Saturday, October 7th, 2006
11:06 pm
Nothing important besides Celia flinging herself over the side of the bed in our semen ridden INN room to save Pat from getting arrested.. maybe.


|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
10:08 pm
I'm SO FUCKING EXCITED for The Sounds next month
I keep dying because I miss.. them
mostly her

uh, and I guess I should be more excited about Jared but I'm really OVER that.. it actually happened very quickly XD Phantom took wayy longer to get over.
So.. he's still amazing and I can't wait

does this make me gay? since I really want to see Maja more than Jared?
x.x HAHA
whatever leave me alone... I've pretended to be gay too many times for anyone to believe me when I'm being serious anymore.

I miss Shakira. SHAKI COME BACCKK.

This journal is stupid. All I ever talk about it celebrities and how much school sucks.. yeah, you must have noticed.
The real stuff? There is none besides the Physics test I probably failed, killing my ranking x.x

if you still haven't heard this.. you really need to understand why I'd like to get into a good college to MAKE MONEY someday
I'm seriously dedicating every.fucking.thing to animals.. really, it's going to be the wierdest life. I'll seriously become Mother Teresa eventually.
But I can't afford ANYTHING, as you well know, and my suddenly shitty rank won't be amazing for scholarships :/

and..... therefore, get off my ass and stop telling me I'm going down. I hate to hear it from you, too. It just makes me more depressed, but I guess you'd expect that.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
9:45 pm

people are so stupid

|Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
10:20 pm
I spent the day actually doing shit.

Yesterday I was extremely dizzy, covered in bug bites, and asked if I was pregnant.
Today I was just tired and definately didn't feel as awake as I usually do.

I painted some deck railings, went to work because Greg makes a MESS, have been doing stuff for the paper all afternoon, and I'm starting to push myself in a "homework" direction.

There honestly just hasn't been enough time in this day because I didn't get to do anything for myself since I came home... which is creepy because I'm always telling myself I'm up late because of distractions. There pretty much were none today o.O I didn't sleep.. I wanted to but I forgot to.
I've been loving Sarah Brightman all evening and watching my puppies sleep.

They're not so horny anymore.. which is fucking awesome.
Senior Pics are tomorrow.
I'm going to look absolutely fucking stupid as usual :D

I want to go to Italy but I don't have the TWO GRAND LAYING AROUND

|Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, September 22nd, 2006
9:27 pm - Zhug
I really hate an empty house and TWO EXTREMELY HORNY DOGS.
Unfortunately, I can't steal anyone's car because I'd seriously get caught :/

|Each Wish resigned.|

Thursday, September 21st, 2006
4:34 pm
okay, seriously
Liz I think we're really NOT meant to go.

and you know... this is beyond shit. I'm going to be paying fucking A LOT for all this shit -.-
and I don't know if Leanora will have that much money. uh?

|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Monday, September 18th, 2006
6:02 pm
Kissing Jessica Stein<333

god I haven't seen this movie in twelve years.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Saturday, September 16th, 2006
9:03 pm
So back when Giselle decided to be a spokeswoman for a company that primarily dealt with fur fashion and the PETA protesters ran on stage during her walk down the runway...

"I'm the biggest animal lover in the world," she said backstage after the show. "I was just doing my job. I'm a model. I don't even wear fur. They just want attention."

She reminds me so much of.. the bitch Dezi reminded me of.

|Each Wish resigned.|

Thursday, September 14th, 2006
4:05 pm
P!ATD made a huuuugeee mistake by sucking at the VMAs
I just don't like them that much anymore and I'm sure millions of other people are wondering what the fuck happened.
My updates just suck don't they? HA

however, jared in a month
hopefully times 3 because.. yeah I would. I would.

I'm over the license thing and I'm playing an oxycodone addict, which is fine for now
I can't believe how much Fergie reminds me of Daniela XD

time for something

|Each Wish resigned.|

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
8:50 pm - Uhduh
So for those of you who haven't heard...

I didn't fail my driving test but I didn't pass either o.O


I passed the question part and only got two wrong. Yay me.
Then the guy comes over and tells me that the insurance on the car is screwy so I can't take the driving exam today. o.O
see we have FOUR FUCKING CARS. two are insured. yeah. but.. okay so one has a crack in the windshield so I can't use it. My uncle has an identical car so we took his.

Lo and fucking behold.. my uncle's name is on the registration and his girlfriend's name is on the insurance. They share both but for SOME fucked up reason they only listed one name on each.. so they're like, yeah this looks like it's two different people. And, uh, it is. If they were married the same last name would make sense but they just couldn't accept it or something.
so fucking.. okay

I couldn't take my mother's new car because she still has dealer plates -.-
are like.. come take the driving exam on October 18th at EIGHT AM. You know, fuck school.
and you know, I think I will fuck school that day because I deserve it...

so yeah stress for nothing and another month of bullshit :D

make me feel better PLEASE.

|6 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Sunday, September 10th, 2006
8:52 am
I'm having revelations and watching old N Sync videos

|2 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Friday, September 8th, 2006
10:30 pm



|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Thursday, September 7th, 2006
2:54 pm
Cake is an ENEMY.
sluuuuuuut :P

|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
11:24 pm

Mimi Gonzalez.


|1 Each Prayer accepted _ Each Wish resigned.|

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